Note: This article was featured in our 2017 April Fool’s issue.

They’ve been making a comeback across the nation. Pets are wearing them. Parents are wearing them. Celebrities are wearing them. What trend has made its grand revival? Crocs of course!

“I feel like I’ve been interviewed a lot for this issue of the Ionian,” Jake Gyllenhaal said. “But yes, Crocs, love them. I have a pair in obnoxious hunter green and neon orange that I wear around the city as if it’s completely normal.”

Despite avid celebrity endorsement, most notably by the royal baby Prince George himself, the Croc trend of the past died out in a firestorm of aesthetic criticism and hatred. They were ridiculed for their bulky look and what many considered to be a ‘ridiculous’ material. Never fear closet Croc lovers! These essentially rubber life-preservers for your feet are back with a vengeance. Who doesn’t love wearing actual water shoes unironically out in public while nowhere near a body of water?

“They allow maximum mobility while I’m on the field,” rugby star Kenny Chesney said. “I’m surprised that everyone isn’t using them.”

Crocs come in a wide range of colors from hot pink, to the most obnoxious shade of green you can image! With colors like that, it’s surprising they need to do any advertising at all. Not to mention their optional feature: you can buy and attach charms of your choosing to make your crocs match your personality. Nothing screams “Number One ‘Game of Thrones’ Fan” more than neon orange crocs with Jon Snow and Khaleesi charms!

“They’re just so comfortable,” Philosophy professor Taylor Swift said. “I really couldn’t envision my life without them.”

Croc style specialists have the perfect go-to look prepared for the average college student: a pair of ill-fitting cargo shorts, a visor, a polo and a fanny pack plus a pair of Crocs in the color of your choice! Basically just try to look like as much like a tourist who was completely unprepared for what Disney is actually like. Or what your mom thought looked cool in 2003 and you’ll be spot on!

The dynamic shoes were seen all over New York Fashion Week, replacing heels as the go-too footwear for the runway. Despite the afforded publicity, Crocs aren’t only saving the fashion industry; they’re saving relationships too.

“I was considering breaking up with my long-term boyfriend until he started wearing Crocs again,” Sophomore Noone Ver said. “It’s just something about those shoes!”

Don’t hesitate and miss out on this new wave of fashion. Before you know it, Croc prices will be sailing through the roof just like Uggs did in like the 1800s. Their current retail price is ‘$Never buy these what are you thinking.99’ for an adult size and ‘$Don’t subject your child to this you absolute monster.75’ in children’s sizes.

Don’t fall behind on trends on campus, go out a buy your Crocs today, or just dig out your old pair from the depths of closet purgatory.