Disclaimer: This article is an April Fool’s article featured in our 2018 April Fool’s issue. 

The college hired Dr. Kibble Barkley, its first dog professor, over the spring break. Barkley, an alum of New Petz University, is teaching courses including “Fetch 101” and “Hooman studies.”

“The first day was a little ruff,” Barkley said. “But once the humans got used to a dog teaching, it became rewarding.”

We interviewed Barkley in his office in Amen, the holiest building on campus. Barkley’s office is supplied with his water bowl, kibble vending machine and a tennis ball selection.

“I want my office to reflect who I am inside,” Barkley said, scratching his ear. “Students are welcome to meet me in my office to chat about class, chew on bones… whatever works.”

Barkley wants students to enjoy his classes — at his old job at BorkBork College, Barkley had students go to the dog park for a field trip. They filled out lab-rador reports that explained what they observed that day.

“We ran around sniffing random objects for hours,” Barkley said. “I… is that FOOD?!” Barkley said, running after a student eating a slice of pizza.

Although Barkley is focused on teaching humans, he would like to integrate canine students into future classes.

The Ionian had the chance to follow Barkley around for a day. Barkley starts his day with a fresh cup of water and a kibble omelet. He then proceeds to work out every morning by chasing his tail until he gets dizzy.

“I can never catch the darn thing,” Barkley said. “It’s really good at hiding from me. It’s like it’s a part of me or something.”

Barkley then walks to campus and shows his I.D. to the campus paw patrol officer. Once he’s in his office, he responds to his emails until it’s time for class.

Barkley told our writer that typing on a computer is hard when you have paws, and so he uses Siri on his phone to dictate emails.

Students expressed their feelings over having a dog professor.

“It’s definitely cool to have Prof. Barkley on campus,” senior citizen student John Applesauce said. “The canine perspective is intriguing.”

Others are confused.

“He chased after a squirrel during the middle of our first class,” fresh-to-death student Claire Cullen said. “Talk about an interesting syllabus week.”

Barkley resides in New Ruff-chelle with his wife, Bella, and their ten pups. In his spare time, Barkley enjoys barking at the mailman, grading papers and chewing on shoes. He has had works published in “Paw-People.” His first book, “Bark Bark Ruff,” will hit Bones and Nobles in November.