More than twenty unidentified people entered Conese Hall on Monday without showing any form of identification.  

The unknown individuals entered during the 5-7 shift of Anthony Harkin, a sophomore front desk worker. It is believed that the suspects were accompanied by students who do live in Conese and have ID access to the building.  

Harkin, who makes $15/hour working this job, was occupied with his game of Minecraft on his laptop. The sophomore was playing in survival mode, collecting blocks of dark oak from nearby trees to complete his impressive two-story Dutch colonial home. The sprawling five-bedroom, three-bathroom house features a recently renovated kitchen and an outdoor pool. 

“I put in a lot of work,” Harkin said. “To clarify, I mean my Minecraft house, not the job.” 

Iona College requires visitors to sign in and leave their ID at the front desk. Visitors from other dorms are also required to leave their student ID at the desk. Due to COVID protocols, no one is allowed to spend the night. All visitors must leave by 2 a.m., the time at which COVID notoriously spreads the worst.  

It is unclear whether the unidentified suspects spent the night at Conese, but several students reported seeing some of them dragging sleeping bags through the turnstiles.

DISCLAIMER!!! This article was intended for comedic relief ONLY as it was apart of the Ionian’s April Fool’s Day issue.