Do you want to prove that you are a star? Stop by the Endzone at noon on Saturday, April 1 to participate in the ‘Pearl” screaming match. Unleash your feminine rage!  

Iona has the pleasure of hosting this event, outbidding several schools to participate.  

For those who did not have a Letterboxd account, last year “Pearl” directed by Ti West was released to critical acclaim. The film is the second part of the ‘X’ slasher trilogy following the titular Pearl, who was the main antagonist from the previous installment.  

Letterboxd is one of the main sponsors of the event, hoping to encourage the love of film in students. It is unconfirmed if any of the cast will attend. Gaels are hoping that some of the farm animals will make an appearance. Who would not want to see Charlie the cow?  

Contestants have various options to choose from. All scenes are permitted if there is prominent yelling. That means the final monology is eligible – silent screaming does not count.  

There will be a panel that will judge the caliber of the screaming. This panel was highly selective among the student body, only the best for the ‘Pearl’ screaming match.  

For those who wish to compete, the rules are simple – the final girl wins! Contestants must come in proper ‘Pearl’ attire in either overalls with a blue shirt or the iconic red dress. Hair ribbons will be inspected. Attire does not have to be a replica of the costuming or official A24 license merchandise, but it does have to bear a strong resemblance to the outfits worn by Mia Goth. After all contestants arrive at the Endzone, each will perform until they are eliminated. No, being dragged off the stage does not give you extra points.  

Registration closes 11:59 p.m. on Friday, March 31. An email has been sent out that contains the application. No acting experience is necessary. And no, ear plugs will not be available so come at your own risk.  

DISCLAIMER: This is an April fools article. None of the above is true as it is apart of the April fools section of our March 30th Issue. Not meant to be taken seriously.