If you turn on your TV, scroll through your newsfeed or open your favorite news app, you can see the toxic way we speak about important issues facing our nation. It seems like there’s almost no way to have a fruitful conversation about what is important when opinions differ. Each issue we face as a nation has begun to attack values we hold dear and no one wants to compromise — or when one side seeks to compromise, the other side refuses to.

In our nation’s capital, politicians from both sides seem to be losing sight of the fact that people’s lives hang in the balance with each decision they make. Immigration, gun control and taxes affect people in very personal ways. So, maybe it’s time to stop arguing and spend more time listening.

I know that I have a hard time listening to people when what they say goes directly against values that I hold dear, but it is important to try and see the world from another perspective. Trying to see how someone comes to their beliefs and opinions is an important part of understanding and eventual compromise. When you assume that the other person is ignorant, stupid or naïve, you miss the chance to find common ground.

Whether you believe in freedom over safety, or one group’s rights over another, you need to find a way to express yourself in a way that does not attack the person you are having a discussion with. I do not like to be attacked, so I need to remember that others don’t either.

Our country is fractured and crumbling at the top; here on the ground we can try to mend those chasms through listening and compassion. I am saying this for all sides—right, left and center. In a perfect world, we would all find a place of equal compromise, but when people’s lives and rights are on the line, a compromise may not be enough.

We all need to think with compassion and logic. We cannot think only with our head or our heart – that is not the way to ensure the country we all care about will continue on. We need to find common ground where we can and stop pretending that lives are something we can compromise for the sake of a few dollars or rights. That is not how America works.

On some level, the issue seems to be a lack of trust between the government and the people, which is understandable. Problems usually do not solely have one answer — most problems are multifaceted. We can concentrate on just one if we want, but all these issues people are talking about are interrelated and need to be addressed. The way politicians market solutions to us when they campaign is based in a single solution because most Americans do not want to hear that a problem is nuanced. Coming at things from one angle will not solve all the other problems connected to it.

Different political sides need to remember how to speak to each other, even if their ideas clash. I find myself frustrated with the toxic discourse we see on television and encounter in our everyday lives. This discourse only has the power to divide us further, not bring us together.

We live in a polarized time in American history. There are many reasons for this. One may be that many issues which were never discussed before are now in the mainstream public eye, such as marriage equality, trans rights, drug laws and mass shootings in schools and in public. For many years we ignored these problems because they were too divisive, too taboo or not yet a concern to talk about. These issues are now coming to the forefront of American politics, something I cannot say is bad. Some will, but I cannot. People suffered and were silenced in the past on these issues; now their voices are at least being heard. The way we speak is toxic, but the subjects are not.

We all need to remember that these issues affect people — on either side of the “aisle” — on a very personal level. People’s values are being questioned and challenged. If we resort to offensive language or shaming, we shut the other person off from us. Human beings do not usually take too kindly to their value system being questioned. We need to come to discussions with compassion and an open mind. Even if there is no middle ground to be reached, we still need to respect each other as human beings, each with gaps in our understanding of the world and diverse value systems.

I will argue until I am blue in the face for what I believe in, and I can get aggressive about it at times. But I am learning that the best way to engage in this type of discourse is to be respectful and compassionate. Modern political debates are beyond political differences and have entered into moral differences. We need to treat all with respect and back our ideas up with facts and express our values honestly.

I challenge you to have informed opinions and engage in meaningful discussion with each other. We value diversity at Iona and we believe in respect. I am not perfect, but I try to gain an understanding of the other sides. America should strive to have this goal as well, but we can start here at Iona.

To email The Ionian’s Abigail Rapillo, email her at [email protected].