As summer slowly gives way to fall, students on campus are sipping on pumpkin spice something-or-others, buckling down for midterms and counting down the days until Halloween. But for some students—myself included—the onset of fall brings along one specific concern:

The hunt for an internship.

As a junior, life after college is creeping even closer, and as a result I have to start thinking about my future. What job do I want to have? Who do I want to be and what will make me happy being that person?

This existential question falls in line with the concept of full-fledged adulthood. When I turned 20 this past summer, both my family and I were shocked to realize I was no longer in my teenage years.

But what defines adulthood? When during my time in college is it all supposed to click? Is it “adult” of me to be living on campus as a Resident Assistant? Am I grown-up because I maintain a fairly reliable work schedule? Am I no longer a child when media trends that are popular with middle-schoolers stop making sense to me?

Maybe yes, maybe no. The tricky thing about adulthood is that it is defined in different ways for everyone. I cannot speak for others, but I can speak for myself, and I think that adulthood—a vast and almost undefinable thing—is a series of steps.

I started to feel like an adult the summer before my sophomore year. I was working as an Orientation Leader at Iona, and it was my first time away from home for more than a night. It was nerve-wracking for myself and my family. Would I be okay on my own, even if it was just for a few weeks? Would I be able to manage without my own room, my own privacy, my own family?

I’ll admit that when I came home after orientation, I couldn’t have been happier. My bed had never felt softer, my mom’s cooking had never tasted so good, and I had never realized how much I cherished just being able to relax and do nothing.

But in those weeks that I spent living in Loftus, I realized that I could manage being on my own. I had the full support of my family behind me. I certainly wasn’t paying any of my own money out-of-pocket for food or for living on campus, but I was on my own. It was a brief lesson for me that I could handle being alone, and that I was in a place where I felt safe with my peers.

Fast forward to now, and I am experiencing my first year as a RA and my first time truly living alone. But even now, I’m not alone. My mom will visit, and she’ll bring me groceries like milk, cold-cuts and ice cream. My sisters will tag along sometimes too. We’ll go out to eat in Gemelli’s or Smokehouse, because they are my mom’s favorite restaurants. It means a lot to me that she supports me, because I know she has to feel nervous that I’m on my own. I may be only 15 minutes away from home, but it’s not the place I’ve always called home.

I know she’s going to be reading this, and I hope that I can convey at least a tiny sense of how much her support means to me—that when I call her every morning while I’m eating breakfast, there is nothing more I want to do than make her and my family proud.

I guess that’s what everyone is looking for on their journey to adulthood. They’re not only looking for themselves, but they also want to do well for the people who have helped them along the way.

With all that said, let’s go back to the point of my search for an internship. I’ve done all the things that everyone does: revised my resume, spoken to professors and gotten myself onto Handshake and LinkedIn. I have done as much as I can to make myself as employable as possible.

If I do manage to land an internship this spring, will I finally feel like an adult? Will I be sitting in a train car on the Metro-North when something clicks? Will I be dressed in business attire with a coffee in my hand when I finally feel like I’ve reached my peak? Will I start thinking about paying taxes and buying a home? Will I watch the news in the morning and be concerned about the traffic and the weather for my commute? (Disclaimer: I already watch the morning news because I am constantly concerned about the weather. People who just get dressed without looking at the forecast for the day confuse me.)

I am excited about the possibility of getting an internship next semester, but I don’t think it’s going to be the final piece in the puzzle of adulthood. For me, it’s the risks I’ve taken that have allowed me to feel more and more like an adult every day. Adulthood is in my role here at The Ionian. It’s in the way I plan my day, when to eat and when to do work. It’s in my position as an RA.

Adulthood is in the little things that happen day to day, and I think an internship will be just one more of those little things that will make my future feel just a little less terrifying to think about.