As much as I’d love to say senior year was ‘super fun’ and full of memories I’ll never forget, the truth is I can barely recall anything from the fall semester. I always had high expectations for senior year, being legal and having more freedom within my schedule, but it turns out that the impending doom of having a job and being an adult takes up a lot of time. Listening to peers who have a plan set for them makes it much more stressful and minimizes the remaining amount of time I feel I have left to figure out what to do next.  

Even during my senior year of high school, I consistently compared myself to those who had a plan for college and what to do after it. Anytime someone mentions an internship or job offer it sends a chill down my spine. Am I supposed to have a job lined up for me already? I came into college without knowing what my passion was and even in finding my path, where does it lead to once I walk across that stage on Mazzella field? I will be left to my own devices, not in the way high school teachers threatened students would be in college, but truly in charge of myself and my future.  

The more thought I put into what comes next, the more time I waste, but I can’t seem to find a way out of such a funk. I want to live every day of senior year making memories, but with the weight of my thesis, endless class assignments, social stress and many other personal conflicts, it is hard to fit “fun” in my schedule. I always tell myself, “Oh get this done, then you can do (fun activity) after!” Then when I am ready to enjoy myself, I repeat the same line until the day is done, and I’ve only overworked myself to the point where sleeping is the only reasonable option. 

If I were to be completely honest, the most fun I had at Iona was during my sophomore year. I still had the immense pressure of honors presentations, and I was unsure of the field I was beginning to go into, but I worried less about what was to come, and I focused on enjoying myself and the people around me. Just coming back from being stuck inside for months during COVID, I spent as much time as possible with my friends. Whether it was going to the store, watching a show or coming up with a broad theme we all had to dress according to for a night, I was always with my friends. Though I’ve come to terms with the idea that I enjoy being alone and I need time to reset, I miss all the memories I would make during that time. 

As I finish off my college experience, I hope I am able to separate my work from my social life and allow myself to enjoy what is left. Maybe that’s the true reason for writing this piece, to provide guidance and express how I feel about the way time had sped past me so I can move forward. Whether it’s me ranting about nothing or working towards a clearer headspace, things seem to be a bit more in perspective for me. I want the coming weeks to be filled with memories, carefree days and endless laughter. To all the friends who have lived through it with me, thank you for being a large part of my story.