“Look at yourself, are you sad? Don’t be afraid. It’s not bad to be sad. Dust off your hands, and reach into foreign lands of your mind.”

Thanksgiving break is both a blessing and a curse.  For many college students, it’s the time to spend with family, and to catch up with the friends that we may not have seen since end of the summer. For me, this Thanksgiving break was time to reevaluate my goals, my future and my relationships with other people.

At the beginning of this semester, I was happily in a five-year relationship with someone I was considering spending the rest of my life with.  When that relationship came to an end, I was at a loss in just about every area of my life.

I dropped the ball at the Ionian; I dropped the ball at work; and I dropped the ball in my classes. It took time, but it was two weeks until I accepted that it was over. It took me six weeks to stop texting him. It took me eight weeks to realize it was OK to have feelings for someone else.

And this break, I finally had the opportunity to see him face-to-face for the first time in three months. It was nerve-wracking, and I was nervous that I would realize that I was not over him like I thought I was. I made it through, and I realized that he was a large part of my life and he always will be, but that does not mean that we work as a couple. Life goes on, and I no longer feel him here.

Here I sit, two months after the break-up feeling like a new person – and in some regards, I am. Huge turning points in people’s lives can make or break a person. It is all about how the individual reacts to the situation.

I suspect and know for a fact that there are other people on this campus going through the same exact thing or something similar. Hence, the reason I wrote this column.

It may be a bit personal, and you may or not may not agree with my method of moving on, but I just want everyone experiencing some kind of loss to know that this too shall pass.

“You’re still you, remember you? Rosy child, strong and wild with apple lungs. You, you breathe with ease, floating on the breeze.”

Everybody breaks up. Everybody has that “What the hell?” moment where they were blind-sided by the situation, and didn’t realize that the relationship was not working. We all experience the pain of losing someone that meant the world to us at one point or another.

The difference between all of us is how we handle the situation, and how we react to the feelings of desperation, loneliness and depression.

Sometimes we lose ourselves in the things we are doing, and the people we are involved with. We try so hard to make our partner happy that we forget who we are and what makes us happy.

The first step I took in moving on was to remove all comforts of habit from my everyday routine. I started waking up at a different hour, going to bed at a different hour, and trying all types of new things. In an act of (what I consider) rebellion, I ate meat for the first time in four years. For me, it is always the littlest things that make the most difference.

What else did I do differently? I started spending more time in New Rochelle and at school. I could be found with my headphones on and my laptop open in the library, the Ionian office, or the Wykagyl Starbucks. I started doing breathing exercises. I dyed and cut my hair. I made peace with old friends, and reached out to make new ones. I started to rebuild my identity, and surround myself with people and things that made me happy.

I started to smile and laugh more – even if I wasn’t necessarily happy or found a joke funny. I listened to music that made me want to dance. I gave into my impulsive urges – I kick off my shoes to dance (poorly) in the Ionian office more often than I care to admit.

Eventually, I started to breathe lighter and feel better. Eventually, I was happy without the comfort of being in a relationship or being in love with my ex. I was happy because I was happy with myself: happy with the person I have become, happy with how strong I truly am.

So when you’re feeling at your lowest point, it helps to realize that things will improve given time. You will feel like a new person again, and your life may be even better than before.

That’s been my story this semester. For those who have seen me at my lowest, thanks for being there – even if it was to hug me and tell me I would be OK. For everyone else, I’m back and ready to start my life again. Goodbye Fall semester 2010 – Hello 2011!

“It’s time to repaint myself, maybe blue or green, or something in between.”

(All italicized quotes are lyrics from “Empty Bottle” by Ingrid Michaelson.)

 

To contact The Ionian’s Heather Nannery, e-mail her at [email protected].