Have you ever heard that you’re supposed to love your enemies? Well, as nice and wise as this sentiment sounds, it seems to me that some people at Iona are having a hard time loving their friends.

When did friends become punching bags? I’m a fan of sarcastic one-liners and little jabs at a friend that make them laugh, but there is a fine line between a good joke and a hurtful comment.

Now, I’m not condoning being mean to people that you DON’T consider to be your friends, but why have I been encountering more and more situations in which people are mean to others that they DO consider to be friends?

I was under the impression that ‘friends’ are supposed to be people who you like, that you enjoy spending time with and that are generally there for you when you need them. Saying and doing things to make these people feel bad about themselves seems, well, stupid.

Some people will say that it is easier to be mean to your family or your friends than it is to a stranger. You know them well, you understand each other’s quirks, and if you get into a fight, they’re more likely to forgive you.

If you ask me, those are awful reasons to treat people you care about poorly.

I think a lot of us should take a minute to step back and reevaluate how we interact with the people we call our friends. I’ve probably said a few things to friends that may have affected them more than I realize, but I would like to think that, for the most part, I treat my friends with love and respect.

I hope that your friends treat you well. But there are plenty of people who call themselves our ‘friends’ that succeed at bringing us more pain than happiness. The truth is, anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself should not be able to call himself or herself your friend.

Sometimes we don’t even realize that we might be treating our friends poorly. Maybe even worse than actively doing or saying something to hurt our friends is a lack of interest or concern.

Let’s say you tune your friend out when they’re telling a story because it doesn’t interest you or you have a lot on your mind. Perhaps someone else says something hurtful towards or about a friend and you don’t say anything to defend them.

Whatever the case may be, your friends will remember your lack of interest and lack of presence just as powerfully as they will remember the sarcastic side comment wasn’t meant to hurt them.

I’m not saying that we all have to be perfect friends- none of us are perfect. But we can be better friends.

We can be genuinely interested in each other’s lives, be cognizant of how what we say affects each other, and apologize when we screw up.

And if we can’t, if doing these simple things for someone we supposedly care about seems like a chore, then maybe we aren’t really friends with them after all.

You don’t have to sit down and keep score of which friend does what for you and who asks you about every detail of your day to determine who treats you right. But you should pay attention to the people that make you happy while you’re spending time with them as opposed the ones you are happy to get away from.

Gaels, let’s try to have meaningful friendships instead of just people we can point to and call our ‘friend.’ Then maybe we can take a shot at that whole “loving your enemies” sentiment.

To contact The Ionian’s Julie Donato, e-mail her at [email protected]