Iona implements madatory kilt dress code

Student models his new kilt for The Ionian.

Kate-Lynn the Tool Head Inspector for Proper Kilt Length

Head administrators announced that a dress code has been put in place for the 2014-2015 academic year.

The announcement, sent out via Campus Communique email March 31, included the dress code specifics: all students must wear plaid kilt Monday-Friday on campus.

There are no other requirements for the dress code.

The Campus Communique stated that a new department, the Office of Uniform Implementation and Adherence, will be created in order to ensure success for the new dress code.

Dolores Umbridge has been named as director of uniform implementation and adherence.

While no reason has been provided for the new dress code and administrators have not been available to comment, students have developed their own theories.

Many believe that the dress code is the school’s reaction to the bumping beats of the cars that drive through campus combined with the rise of people liking country music.

The dress code may be an attempt to get away from the presence of other musical genres and return to the Iona heritage.

Some believe that all students will be required to learn bagpipes or drums in order to participate in pipe band and break the record for the world’s largest pipe band.

Others believe that the move is an attempt to build unity and integrate the various groups on campus.

Senior Regina George does not support the use of a dress code.

“Can I just say that we don’t have a clique problem at this school? And some of us shouldn’t have to follow this dress code because some of us are just victims in this situation,” she said.

Many have felt personally victimized by Regina George and believe that she is the sole reason for the change.

Junior Ryan Murray is looking forward to the dress code.

“I had a uniform in high school and it made it so easy to get ready in the morning,” he said.

“I live on campus, so I can literally roll out of bed, put on the kilt, and go to class.”

Other upperclassmen share in Murray’s excitement about how much later they will be able to sleep in with the new dress code, citing Western Wednesdays as a main reason they are always late to class.

“Aren’t you not supposed to wear underwear under kilts?” freshman Lucia Zappella asked.

Across the board, underclassmen fear flashing community members when it’s windy.

The pipe band has mixed feelings about the situation.

“Maybe people will know something about us other than the song ‘Steam Train,’” sophomore Mary Margaret O’Shaunessy said.

She explained that “Steam Train” is the song everyone always claps to.

Senior piper Connor McFarland is very angry about the change.

“Plaid is supposed to be sacred. Now, everyone will wear it all the time. What’s special about that?” he said.

Only time will tell how the dress code plans go.

In the mean time, be sure to post a picture of you in your new kilt on your Instagram and include the hashtag #KillianItInKilts.