One of the many things I learned from my grandma is to never leave the car without lipstick. This sticks out in my mind so much to me because whenever we would take drives together, which was often, she would tell me stories either about her childhood, or my mom and my uncles growing up. We would get to our destination and she would stop mid-sentence, pull out her lipstick and apply it. Once the tube was back in her purse, I knew it was time to get out.

It took me until my freshman year of college to dare to pick up a kabuki foundation brush. Makeup scared me, because the thought of wielding a brush and coming out with a completely different looking face and I was worried that that face would look worse than when I started.

Once I figured out how to wield my makeup brushes, thanks to a lot of help from YouTube beauty tutorials, I realized that wearing makeup was what was giving me the confidence to love what I saw in the mirror.

I didn’t have a lot of confidence growing up, but I don’t think anyone had much confidence. I felt plain when I looked in the mirror, I was missing the color and life that makeup now provides me. I used to feel guilty because I exchanged my scars, too-light brows and dark circles for full coverage-foundation, color correcting concealers and brow gel.

I think I felt guilty because I was told that by applying makeup I was “lying to men” about what was under the makeup. The problem I have with this argument is that I can go a few days in a row without any makeup application, and feel just fine.

Makeup to means a lot to me. At least that’s what I say to justify owning so much of it. It is more of an art form than a rejection of the features I was born with. When I was a kid in art class I was made fun of for how poorly I could recreate a totem-pole or a vase of flowers.

Even 10 years later I can barely draw a flower without it looking like something that came out of a kindergarten’s art class. If you were to ask me the shortest amount of time I can apply a full face of makeup, I would tell you 15 minutes and that includes winged eyeliner.

It’s taken me a long time but I want to start embracing the things that make me feel better about myself.

Like putting on a good pair of heels, makeup makes me feel powerful. Wearing a bold red lip means I can conquer the world that day, or at least my finals.

To contact the Ionian’s Taylor Brown email her at [email protected].