Iona’s new two-factor authentication system has been switched to a 12-factor system after students reported that it was not wasting enough time of their day. 

The two-factor system, which began during this academic year, requires students to press accept on a notification on their phones before logging into their Iona accounts on any device. However, some students felt that this system was still too easy. 

“It’s not enough to make me get up and grab my phone from across the room,” junior Sophia O’Brien said. “I need to know that my BlackBoard account is being protected at all times.” 

The new 12-factor system also includes the phone notification, but that is just the beginning. The students then need to submit photographic evidence of their Iona student ID, birth certificate and social security card. 

Students will then need to present proof of their driver’s license. If they do not have a license, they are required to get one. 

“I don’t even have a car, but I’d do anything to protect my PeopleSoft account, so I raced to the DMV,” senior Nicholas Farrell said. “Everyone there was super welcoming and helpful.” 

After the student passes their driver’s test, they then need to submit fingerprints and thumbprints. The next step is to submit their saliva, which can be deposited in a tube and sent to the nearest lab to verify that it is from a human person. 

The tenth step is to travel to the U.S. embassy in Moldova. There students will need to pass a rigorous IQ test. 

“I’ve never been to Moldova, so this is cool for me,” freshman Carrie Byers said. “Anything for my interactive degree audit.” 

The twelfth and final step is to guess the name of the Gael Express driver who will pick you up from the airport. 

“It’s Pat,” sophomore Julian Roy said. 

DISCLAIMER!!! This article was intended for comedic relief ONLY as it was apart of the Ionian’s April Fool’s Day issue.