Breakups are never easy. The length of the relationship does not determine the level of hurt you feel on the inside while separating. Whether it was 5 months or 5 years spent together, your feelings are still valid.  

There are endless reasons for parting with a loved one: emotional imbalance, schedule differences, mental instability, bad behavior, etc. No one gets into an exclusive relationship with the intent of breaking up, but life happens.  

The initial reaction to a breakup is grief. Although this person is still alive, you’re mourning their lost presence in your life. Consistent attention, communication and in-person contact is emotionally, physically and spiritually attaching, which is why it is hard to let go regardless of what the person has done to you. 

Friends and family advise those post-break-up to move on with their life in any way or “get over it.” This is utterly wrong. Advice is supposed to be consoling and tender, not apathetic.  

The grieving process, which can take weeks or months, will cause negating health. Experiencing weight gain, lack of sleep, migraines, anxiety and dark blue under the eyes from crying are all due to elevated levels of the hormone cortisol. Use your recovery to practice better health habits.  

Take melatonin or use essential oils for better sleep, and once you awake for the day, try to include foods high in antioxidants, omega-3s and probiotics in your meals. Cheeseburgers will only bring temporary comfort. Vegetables, fruits and nuts have all been associated with improvements in mood and reduced anxiety. 

Taking the time to feel the rollercoaster of emotions and then understanding why you felt the ways you have will also help you heal quicker. Instead of staying in the dark and thinking negatively, cry and express yourself in any way you can to bring relief to this hurt.  

Once the cloudiness leaves and you itch to escape the confines of your bedroom, start exploring the things you do to release an instant endorphin spike. Whether that be going on a drive, getting a wash and blow-dry or seeing friends, the little things will help you create a routine conformed to your newly single lifestyle.  

This is all to avoid losing yourself. To some extent, intertwining someone else’s life, perspectives and habits with your own creates a unit. So, when losing your partner, you may also lose yourself, left in confusion about your identity.  

Reminiscing about the big and small memories shared together is bittersweet. On one hand, you’re sad that there will be no more memories made together, yet you’re thankful you were able to experience even an ounce of happiness with this person. Breakups are a part of life experience, only a few lucky ones will have their first love be their last.  

PS If you’re going through a breakup, do not watch Someone Great on Netflix, because Jenny’s letter to Nate will have you in a wreck. She starts off by saying – Do you think I can have one more kiss?