As a kid, I had so many friends who wished they had a sister instead of a brother and vice versa. I would watch siblings argue until neither of them knew what to say. I was never able to relate to that, and I will forever be happy about that. I could never imagine wanting to be an only child.

I have an older brother, named Ryan. At times during my childhood, he was also known as “Yaya”. Ryan is five years older than me. I’ve always seen our age difference as perfect. Of course, we have different interests and skills, but at the same time, we’re able to easily communicate with each other. Personally, I would feel so lonely without a sibling. And I am fully aware how annoying I was at certain ages.

However, my brother dealt with it all. I mean, of course, he didn’t really have another option. I appreciate the way he handled my chaos. He never yelled or disrespected me in any way. He also taught me how important my feelings are and how I should stand up for myself when needed.

As I write this, I’m thinking about a video my father took of us, when I was probably 8 or 9. We were in a hotel room, and Ryan was clearly trying to relax in bed. However, that was a little difficult since I was jumping on the bed while hitting him with pillows. He gently kept pushing me away with his arms, and that’s all he did. My family often laughs now at the fact that my mother was telling him not to hurt me instead of telling me to stop.

There will never be enough words to describe how proud I am of him. And sometimes I don’t think I’m the best at showing that. Even if it’s your own family, caring about someone so much and looking up to them as a role model, can fill you with so many emotions. My brother and I have seen each other in extremely fragile mental states in the last few years and I’m incredibly grateful for him.

I’ve always known he cares about me. That’s such an important part of growing up with siblings, especially older ones. I’m starting to realize how much of a blessing that is. I do miss living in the same house. I guess when I was younger, I didn’t really imagine the day he would move out. I don’t think I wanted to admit that it would happen. However, I am incredibly happy for him. It’s pretty wild how fast life really moves when I really think about it. He got married in May to his wife, and they just moved into a beautiful new house. They’ve owned a dog for almost three years now and they also recently bought chickens. Their house feels like a cozy farm, honestly.

I love to look back at our past, and see how much has evolved. He has created his own life, and I do miss him living at home, but I can clearly see how happy he is.

Whenever he’s vulnerable with me about any stress or sadness he feels, I’m quite honored. I want to be able to help him as much as he helped me. It doesn’t matter that I’m the younger sibling, I’m still able to see him grow up and it’s absolutely wonderful.